In other news, my Mother-in-Law bought me a copy of Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and I have been reading it aloud with my mom this afternoon. Both of us are laughing our bums off (I only wish that was true. We have really just been laughing very hard.). Mommies, if you want a good laugh, alongside a healthy dose of validation and support, please do purchase this book- and make haste. It is such amazingly hysterical and refreshingly honest reading.
I have been thinking a lot about this whole idea of being honest about motherhood. More than a few women have shared with me over the past three years how appreciative they are of my honesty. If I really think about it, people have been telling me that all my life. I've always been a person who gives it to ya straight. The dichotomy I've been wrestling with ever since I can remember is that of being authentic, yet also wanting to "fit in" and be "validated." I have sometimes regretted being too forthright, have been taken advantage of for sharing too much. With religion, for example, I just got tired of always being the spokesperson for liberal Christians- I felt alienated and hung out to dry on too many occasions. I eventually gave up the fight- it's lonely being the outlier and I refused continually deny my true self. So I gave up the concept of religion and now seek godliness on earth in a variety of ways. I appreciate religion, though, and admire the religious. I long to have the comfort of prayer, and the feeling that my life is directed and purposeful without my directing it or creating purpose on my own. I adore talking about religion and, when the chips are down, I ask people of faith to pray for me and am comforted when they say they will. Someday I will explore the idea of religion, god, and faith much much more. But being a working mom with two young children is not the time.
My point is I can't be honest and authentic sometimes, and be something else (what everyone else thinks I should be, or what I think I should be) at other times. I can't allign myself with anyone or anything that doesn't accept all of me- including the bruised, selfish, insecure, confused bits of my soul. So I just am. I'm just honest. More often than not (though not always), I believe people feel more free to be themselves around me because they know I don't pull any punches. I believe I get the fringe benefit of knowing the more authentic side of people because they sense that I am a safe place- someone who will not judge and is not competing with them. I'm sure, on the flip side, I am judged and competed against, and whoever is competing will most certainly feel they've won. When that happens and I know about it (this is rare), it probably stings more because they aren't judging a contrived version of me- they are judging the real me. But for the few times I've been stung, I have never felt it was worth holding back. It's too rewarding and feels too good to just be myself.
I have been reading this amazing blog for a while, and now with the awesome book coming along, I'm wondering if maybe women are growing weary, finally, of the facade. I hope we are, because I know that we need each other. I know that if we are honest and true to ourselves, if we admit our faults to ourselves and share our struggles, and if we feel we can celebrate our successes and triumphs without the fear being perceived as snobby or a boastful, we can all be better mothers and happier women. Glennon Melton (the author of Momastery), calls life "brutiful." Brutal and beautiful. She says you can't separate the brutal from the beautiful because the two can't exist without one another. I believe that's true. Motherhood, womanhood, HUMANHOOD is both brutal and beautiful. I want to be present to both sides of the life coin, because I know I'm a better person for not shying away from the brutal, and believe the beautiful is more so after having lived the other side. Finally, I want to be around brutiful women because I feel stronger when I'm around them. I hope that I encourage other women to be more bold, to live their life more honestly, because they experience how life can be as an authentic and honest woman. If you haven't yet, I encourage you all to try it. Read the book, read Glennon's blog, and know that there are women out here who are not only okay with imperfection, but we are supported and validated by it.
We all tell our kids that honesty is the best policy, right? I guess I'll just put my money where my mouth is and live it.
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