Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) is the therapy method that is wildly successful in shaping the behavior of people with either verbal or non-verbal Autism. The basic premise of ABA Therapy is that good, appropriate, socially acceptable behavior is rewarded, and bad, problem, inappropriate behavior is ignored. Over time, as the subject gets what they want and gets good feelings when doing "good" things and gets nothing at all for "bad" things, the bad things fade away and the good things happen frequently. Remember B. F. Skinner? The mouse presses the bar and gets a treat? It's like that.
Mini has been in ABA Therapy 6-8 hours a week for two years. At first, it was terribly hard on me and REALLY tough on Mini. He kicked, bit, screamed, smacked, ran away, threw himself on the floor, cried, manipulated.... the first day all of those things happened within the first 20 minutes! It was excruciating and miserable to watch. I cried all the time to his therapist, Miss A. I begged her, tearfully, to please not give up on him (she assured me that she NEVER would). I was embarrassed, Mini was unhappy, and our home was tense. (Important note: He kicked, bit, screamed, cried, manipulated, threw himself on the floor, etc etc at home, too. And at daycare. And in the grocery store. And at grandma's house. Everywhere. So it's not like his behavior at therapy was a big shock.)
Fast forward two years, and we still have rare instances of this behavior from Mini. Yesterday, for example, he had to leave the house and didn't want to, and it took him a LONG TIME to get over that since I didn't have what I needed to reshape his behavior (I was driving the car). But overall, Mini is happy, teachable, well-adjusted, communicative, patient, friendly, and open to new people and places. When we took him on vacation a few weeks ago, he was very likely the best behaved child at all of Dulles Airport, on the plane, and in every establishment we went to for the duration of the trip. I'm not exaggerating- he was an absolute dream. His happiness and success is hard won, friends. HARD WON, but worth it.
When they are applied appropriately and consistently, ABA Therapy teaches children with Autism to communicate, to access a world that seems foreign to them. It provides them the tools to learn how the world works and how to fit themselves, their personalities and quirks and heart and soul, into a world that they otherwise might never have understood. As I watch Mini learn, as I implement therapy practices at home, and help our family and friends learn to be consistent with him too, Mini is slowly discovering how to bring himself out to the world.
The way we parent, then, is very different from the way I see others parenting. I wonder if our methods seem intense or unrelenting. I wonder if I seem inflexible or cold toward my children, to people looking in from the outside. At the same time, though, I wish that parenting classes and books and websites would include SO much more about ABA Principles and how to incorporate them into your parenting.
Because, friends, these principles are perfect for young kids. ALL YOUNG KIDS, not just kids with Autism.
When you think about it, aren't all young children struggling to communicate? Don't they all have feelings that are foreign to them, that they don't know how to manifest appropriately in varied settings? Don't they all have trouble following directions? Don't they all lack the social skills to play appropriately in groups? Don't they all struggle with transitions in their daily life?
You're nodding yes, right? Truth be told, I know a few adults who struggle with all those things- and they don't have Autism, either!
The difference between Mini and typical children is that most typical children will eventually learn these skills on their own- Mini won't and needs hours of therapy to learn them. However, what if we, as parents, could help facilitate that learning in our children sooner? What if ABA Principles applied at home could help you avoid tantrums, whining, tears, and public embarrassment? What if we could give our typical children the gift of NOT HAVING TO BE FRUSTRATED ENOUGH to throw fits? Ever? In the last few months, I've found myself offering advice to my friends who are parents, when they tell me they're struggling with their child's behavior. I say "Well, do you want to know how we'd handle that in our house?"
That's what this series is about- how to help your typical child communicate through frustration, how to help them learn to tell you what they need without tears and whining, how to get them to transition from dinner to bath to bed without meltdowns, and how to share with their friends without biting, hitting, and yelling. There is simply too much to cram into one long post, friends, so stay tuned for the remainder of the series. I'm excited to write about ABA Principles and how easily they are applied to typical children!
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