Mini has had a string of really nice days. I've been grateful for them. The weather's been absolutely beautiful outside, and I think it's so helpful for him to be able to run around and get energy out when we get home from school. He hasn't watched TV in a week, save for about 20 minutes on a couple of mornings before school. I hope he always treats TV like he does now- an afterthought... Something that is completely forgotten as long as the sun in shining. I want him to be outside running and playing until dusk as many days as possible!
He really is in love with his speech therapist. He's been going to her now for five weeks, and he finally walked back to her office on Wednesday without me! This is a huge breakthrough. On Tuesday when we drove home from school, he cried when we turned left to go home instead of turning right to go see Miss Kristen. He talks about her all the time. Both of his sessions with her this week were really good- no more mumbling and refusing to look up at her. She's said he's been talking a ton, using spontaneous phrases and asking questions, making eye contact (still not ALL the time, but a fair amount) and is easy to direct and focus.
The trees and flowers give us a lot to talk about while we're in the car driving around. He points out the pink, purple, white, and green trees. There is a huge field of yellow flowers on a farm we pass on the way to school, and I LOVE it so we always mention it. I say "Oh my gosh buddy look at all those FLOWERS!!!" and he sees them and said "Look at yellow FLOWERS, MOMMY!!!" He's also been asking me about things. Yesterday he pointed at telephone poles and said "What's that?" I'm curious if he'll start talking about them now that he knows.
Not everything has been great, but I think that's true of all kids. Even in the crappy moments, though, there are breakthroughs. The other night he threw a fit about coming inside for dinner. I said "Bud, you are almost four years old now, you need to be a big boy!" and he yelled "I'm NOT four, I'm THREE!!" This was actually a big deal because he usually won't respond when I ask how old he is. Sometimes I wonder if he knows. Well, folks? HE KNOWS.
Here are a couple of big things we're working on:
* talking about objects by their function instead of by their name. For example "Buddy, what do we wash our hands with?" and he'll pick up the soap to wash hands. Or, "What does mommy wear so she can SEE?" and he'll pick up my glasses. We have little mini-puzzles that have pictures of things that go together- like an umbrella and rain, or shoes and socks, etc. I'll put the shoes in front of him, and then line up options and say "which one fits with shoes?" Sometimes he finds the pair and sometimes he doesn't. Definitely hard to keep him focused. Most of the time if he doesn't find the pair, it's not because he looks and can't choose. Mostly it's because he's not looking. Again, the difference between can't and won't is my sticking point.
* transitions. He has SUCH a hard time with transitions! Coming inside for dinner, sitting down to eat, then getting up to go take a bath, then getting out of the bath, then going to bed. Each little transition is a BIG struggle. The one thing that is working like a dream right now is that he loves going to bed in a big bed (instead of his bed). So after bath, jammies, and brushing teeth, we ask if he wants to climb in our bed or the guest bed (which he refers to as "P-Pa's bed"- grandpa's bed). He usually wants P-Pa's bed, so he actually RUNS there and LEAPS in it. He lays down, wants kisses, and that's it. Less than 5 minutes. Do I wish he'd do that in his own bed? Of course. But I also know families who spend 45 minutes to an hour putting their kids to bed- Mini's age even. So if this is doing the trick and allowing him to learn how to put himself to bed with GUSTO, then I'm all for it. Now if only we could get him to this point with other transitions throughout the day.
The week after next, he'll have his full evaluation with the School District's child find program. A resource specialist will come to our house on the 30th, to work with him on cognitive/social skills stuff, and then we'll head to their office on the 3rd for the language evaluation. These are scary, anxious appointments for mommy. I remember in school when we took "pre-tests" and I still felt like I had to be perfect, even though it was just diagnostic. That's what this evaluation feels like... Yet another pre-test that Mini isn't going to be able to do much of. I hate them. Such a poignant reminder of how far we have to go.
My mother-in-law is a pediatric intensive care nurse in West Virginia. She takes care of very sad, VERY sick babies. Many of them are malnourished and are not properly cared for because their parents just don't know enough and don't have the money to do the right things for them. Last week, she told me she had to have a conversation with a mom who was feeding her 8 month old boy a diet of ground beef and cheetos. Of course the baby was grossly overweight- so much so that he couldn't even sit up unassisted. I asked D what would happen if a baby in a family like that has Mini's challenges. Neither one of us wanted to speculate. How horrible it would be if we knew something was going on with Mini but didn't have the means to help him... The intelligence, the education, the health insurance, the family support.... Our Mini is one of the lucky ones. Full-time, AMAZING education with smart, patient teachers who adore him and communicate with us every day. Speech therapy twice a week with the Goddess/Queen Miss Kristen. Doctors who share with me the opportunities in the local school districts and the best hospitals in the country. Means of taking him out and showing him the world, different places, mountains, beaches, and cities. Education to know how to search for places and people and therapies that will hopefully make a different. Intelligence to be able to see what is and isn't working, and to act on it in the right ways. It's a long way from cheetos and ground beef. Although I worry myself SICK, as we all know, I feel grateful for my option to worry about the kinds of things I worry about. I don't worry whether I can afford healthy food, or education, or how I will get him to all these appointments in addition to getting myself to my 6 jobs so we can make rent.
We are so fortunate.
Tomorrow, we're headed to spend time with Mini's uncle- my brother- and other long-time family friends. I hope my little guy will do well spending time with his sister and his grandpa while D and I have some MUCH NEEDED time away, talking about adult things with other adults. It won't be easy to leave him... Or rather, he won't make it easy to leave him. There are lots of other parts of travelling that are harder because of who Mini is. I'm already stressed about it. But we need to continue to do it. Getting him out and showing him the world.
Keep going. Keep trying. Keep running this race and doing everything I can think of. Do the best best thing. Do the next best thing TODAY.
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